Will's Story

Looking back now it was relentless

But being clean 26 months now, I still struggle with my mental health. Being on the streets, things happen to you and it’s hard, but I’m getting over it now. It’s been a long road. He saved my life. He helped me so much.

I was living with my partner - it all came to a head, we were over. I ended up leaving Liverpool and working in Wales and I lost my job and that was it, then I was homeless. Devastating, absolutely devastating. I’ve been through bad things as a kid and trauma and I don’t think I’ve ever really dealt with it. When I was being homeless and hitting rock bottom and got nowhere else to go. I just wanted a normal quiet life. You live in the chaos and it’s hard to get out of. Being here saved my life - absolutely saved my life. From the day I came in - as long as you keep your head down and keep looking after yourself, you’ll always have a home.

It’s a worry these places, as you wonder what’s the next step.
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This is mine, my home and I’ve built it myself.

Being homeless is living in the streets and shop doorways. I used to stay in the train station and pulled out my sleeping bag and beat up and the dog trying to get robbed off me. Just never ever settling. Every day walking around trying to keep out the way at night you hide away and go to forests and living under trees. Absolute hell. Absolute hell. Absolute hell. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. In the country we’ve got, no one should be homeless. Some people love living in the chaos but I think you’ve got to break that cycle. Once you break it, and you’ve got that little bit. Since being here I’ve gone to Christianity and the Bible and I never used to think nothing like that but you’ve got to have a little bit of hope. The richest people in the world aren’t always the one with money. It’s just that love and here I feel rich now because I’m safe, I’ve got my own home and I’ve moving on. 
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Getting clean

I didn’t realise how bad I was to be fair. It’s like self harm, I just wanted to hurt myself all the time and I just didn’t want to wake up in the morning. Going from one place to another not sleeping, not eating. I had an accident and split my head open and rushed to hospital. When I got out I thought I’m going to have to do something because I can’t carry on like this. Having the dog with me, he used to look at me like, Dad what’s wrong? Cos he knew there was something wrong with me. And I looked at him and thought you don’t feel safe, I’m not keeping you safe and I’ve got to keep myself safe at the end of it. I’ve not seen my girls for 3 years. But little steps that I go through like no matter what you can’t go back. Every little thing that comes up that I have to deal with I’ll play it in my head. When I got in touch with me girls, their mum said they don’t want to see me any more. Like I thought I can’t let that send me back downhill, I’m not doing it for them, I’m doing it for me. It’s the only time right now I’ve got to save me out of all this. Being here has helped me so much. I still struggle a little bit with my mental health, it’s never going to go away is it, it’s going to be there but I live one day at a time, that’s all I can do. 

There’s a letter off me kids and I hadn’t looked at it for years and I found it and read it and the words were wow - even my kids were looking at me thinking Dad’s what’s wrong. But I couldn’t even see. Now I do, I think God what’ve I done? I’ve missed so much. But you can’t go back, you can only go forward. That’s all I can do. Put my hands up, I’ve made mistakes but I just want a quiet life and to be safe. That’s it that’s all I really want.

Rob and Tricia go above and beyond in here they really do.

I volunteered with going into hospitals and care homes and people with dementia and things like that. When I started doing volunteering doing little things with people, it made me look at life so different. I looked at it and thought people and kids and 2-3 years of age with terminal diseases, they are so happy and it made me look at it and thing you’ve got to change, you’re here for a different reason. Having a little bit of faith and going to church I love it - it’s totally changed my life. Made me feel more at peace with myself. I feel like I went down a Christian route, it’s like you’re being cleansed again and felt like my soul had been cleaned. I love it. I’ve got a bible by my bed and read scriptures every night. It’s called hope. If you look at hope - what is hope? Hold On Pain Ends. It’s a simple metoaphore - I looked at it and thought wow - I can see in other people and with the dog and making other people happy, I thought you know what? I could have a good life here. I could get through this I could get out of this.
 

Future

It’s  new start, it’s a new chapter.

Being clean and staying clean - what I had to do was take myself away from everything. You have to put yourself in a different place to give yourself a chance. I feel like here I’ve given myself a chance. My home, I keep it clean, I keep it tidy and know that I’m respectable and I just want to carry on forward. I want my own little council place, but here has given me the drive to keep going forward. I suffer with cramps all the time so I know I won’t be going back to work any time soon but it’s just safety here.

I’m not on my own, even though I feel like I”m on my own I’m not.  - I close my eyes and say a prayer we get through it. There’s a lot more worse things happening in the world.

The people running it here, If you need anything or you’re a little bit anxious or unsure, you only have to have a word and if it they can’t help, they’ll put you in touch with someone who can.